On a recent road trip to a friend’s ranch we stopped at Cracker Barrel for dinner. And even though I grew up on Cracker Barrel’s lip smacking southern food, I’d never had their turnip greens before. In fact, I’d never had any southern greens that I really liked. The only reason I ordered them was because I knew I was in for a calorie laden weekend and I was trying to keep this meal low so that I could drink my calories later (in the form of what tasted like moon shine jello shots). So you can imagine my surprise at having to restrain myself from moaning and licking the bowl in a crowded restaurant of bible thumping country folk who don’t take kindly to displays of animal wantonness.

When we got in the car, the first thing I did was Google the recipe. I didn’t find it, but I did find this one and I pretty much followed it to the letter so I can’t claim any originality.

It’s an Emeril recipe, and normally his recipes are good but don’t qualify as easy because they usually have a billion ingredients listed, but this one wasn’t too bad. And although it takes two hours, most of that is braising time.

We ate it as a main course with a side of healthy corn bread to sop up the liquor (what they call the liquid you get when everything cooks down). We were in southern food heaven! And it was better than Cracker Barrel because I didn’t have Jethro and his big-boned, big-haired mama eyeballing my moaning and slurping.

Healthy - You always hear you should eat dark leafy greens, but I don’t come across many recipes that incorporate them. So this is a real find. Each main course serving (about 2.5 cups worth) is less than 350 calories and has 10 grams of fiber! See stats here. And yes we’re talking about bacon and all it’s saturated fat goodness, but a little goes along way here.

Cheap - I halved the recipe and the entire pot cost about $5! And that’s with buying the really nice applewood smoked bacon from Central Market.

Easy - The hardest part about this recipe is washing the greens, see the tips section at the bottom for advice and don’t be scared, it’s not as bad as it sounds.

Makes about 6 main course servings or 12 side course servings.

Ingredients

• 3/4 pound sliced bacon (splurge on the good thick stuff since you’re not using much)
• 3 cups sliced onions (half moon slices about 1/4 inch thick)
• 8 cloves garlic, mashed and quartered
• 3 teaspoons salt
• 3/4 teaspoon cayenne
• 3/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1 quart water
• 1 (12-ounce) can beer
• 1/4 cup distilled white vinegar
• 2 tablespoons molasses or cane syrup
• 5 pounds fresh greens, such as mustard greens, collard greens, turnip greens, or kale, rinsed well, picked over and tough stems removed (I’ve only used turnip greens)

Directions

In the largest, heaviest pot you own, cook the bacon until it has rendered most of its fat, about 5 to 6 minutes. Add the onions, garlic, salt, cayenne, and black pepper and cook until the onions are wilted, about 4 minutes. Add 1 quart of water, the beer, vinegar, and molasses and bring to a boil. Begin adding the greens in batches, pressing down with a wooden spoon to submerge them in the hot liquid and adding more as they wilt. When all of the greens have been added, reduce the heat to a simmer and cook the greens, partially covered and stirring occasionally, for about 1 to 1 1/2 hours or until tender.

Enjoy!

Tips

Prepping the greens

• The goal is to loosen the dirt from the leaves and have it sink to the bottom.
• Clean your sink very well.
• Remove the stem from the leaf by folding it in half along the stem and place it on the counter, place your hand flat along the leaf part close to the stem, and rip the stem away.
• Put the leaves in the sink and fill the sink with water. Don’t overfill the sink with leaves. Make sure there aren’t any leaves touching the bottom of the sink because the dirt will settle onto them.
• Slosh everything around a little and then don’t touch it for five or ten minutes while the dirt settles to the bottom.
• Carefully remove the leaves without stirring up the dirt too much, place them on paper towels, and then drain the water.
• If you do the whole recipe you’ll probably have at least three sink fulls of leaves.
• When you look at the gigantic pile of leaves vs. the size of your pot you think it’s never going to fit, but they cook down a lot.
• Grab a handful of leaves and tear it into thirds as you add it to the pot.